Why I will no longer be buying the Star Wars saga on Blu Ray*

by Luke Jones

If you know me in person, chances are that you know that I like Star Wars a bit. A lot. In fact, maybe it’s a bit of an obsession. I own a replica lightsaber. I have a Mr Potato Head that’s called ‘R2-Potatoo’. I watch that scene in Friends where Rachel dresses up as Slave Leia with a smile on my face and jealousy in my heart. I have bought the series of films on three separate occasions, twice on DVD, and up until this weekend I fully intended to buy them for a fourth time on Blu-Ray.

So what happened? This happened. Yes, if you click on the link you will see that George has been at it again, tinkering and prodding with what really should be left alone now.

First a little back story. The original Star Wars released in 1977, while considered to be a masterpiece to millions of fans, was always seen as something of a compromised product by director / creator George Lucas. In the mid nineties, with the advent of CGI (Computer Generated Imagery) in films, Lucas returned to the original three films and made a few alterations, some subtle some not so. The ‘Special Editions’ that resulted were re-released in cinemas where a young schoolboy that we’ll call ‘Mr J’ saw them and became entranced. As these were the first times that Mr J had seen the films the alterations didn’t affect him, but fans who had been around since the seventies raged about how Greedo shot first, that Han Solo walked on on Jabba the Hutt’s tail and that Return of the Jedi now had it’s own dance number. Then the prequels happened and it was official: Star Wars had jumped the shark.

Yet none of this bothered me (yes, I’m Mr J). I confess that for their faults I enjoy the prequels, both the good (hyper fast Jedi) and the very, very bad (Jar Jar is a creation so awful as to be inspired). The Clone Wars animated series that followed seemed like a cash in but actually proved to be a solid addition to the canon. Robot Chicken even managed to show that George Lucas has a sense of humour about himself.

Which brings us to the Blu Rays. Most of the alterations I can live with. I don’t mind that the Ewoks now blink. Puppet Phantom Menace Yoda always looked a bit rubbish, so replacing him with a CGI one makes sense. But putting in not one, but TWO ‘Noooo’s’ in the style of Vader’s much mocked Revenge of the Sith creation scene (link here) is a crime so heinous that Lucas should be sent straight to Hollywood jail, do not pass Go, do not collect £20. It offends me on so many levels that I’m going to have to go into bullet point form:

• It drowns out John Williams’ epic score
• It tries to add to a moment that needs no further explanation. It’s hard to talk about acting when you’re looking at a plastic mask, but in that moment you can see what is going on in Darth Vader’s head. Never has a head turn carried so much weight.
• It harks back to that comedy ending from Revenge of the Sith and turns a dramatic moment into a comedy one. Or a fucking tragic one if you’re a Star Wars fan.
• It doesn’t even sound right, as if it was rushed

In short, it has turned an essential purchase into a complete no go. It is an entirely personal reaction that some people may think is quite small in the grand scheme of the series, but it was an important scene to me and this audio tampering has rendered it impotent. Imagine if the Sound of Music was given a contemporary soundtrack by the Black Eyed Peas, or if someone replaced the Mini's with new Mini's in the Italian Job.

Shame on you George. Shame on you.

* Please note that I absolutely reserve the right to do a complete u-turn and end up buying it anyway.